I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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