He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
