I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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