I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
