I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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