we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
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I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
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fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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