i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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