They should really pass out barf bags in church
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
