Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
