If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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