Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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