Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
