what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
is it fun? or sober?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
