Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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