Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
