I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
