He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just pee around me
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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