Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize