Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
