please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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