Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize