Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
