he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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