You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
