Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
