okay pat passed out under dana's car
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
it was like eating out sand paper
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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