Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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