he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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