Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
