pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
