I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
