I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
