I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
no, he came in my armpit
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
