He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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