he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
