What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
