you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
