This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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