i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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