I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
