There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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