on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
