I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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