Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
