I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
