Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
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Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
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I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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