omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
