he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
