her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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