She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
