You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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