He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
