probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
