Everything about him screamed your future.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My bed smells like the plague
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
there is puke in my bra ... again
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