Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
