'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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