I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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