My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
do nipples grow back?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
