Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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