I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
