whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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