i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
