vagina is talking i cant
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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