the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Your cock deserves a montage
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
