Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
