my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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