tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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