he wants to bone in the snuggie
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
