i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
