Pappa wants mamma naked
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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