Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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