Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
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I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
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You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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