I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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