i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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