I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
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After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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