WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
